when you press self destruct

So I met Mr Darkside yesterday, he is awesome.  Now I am convinced he doesn't think the same about me. I am not really sure why I am intent on pressing self destruct and watching my life disappear down the toilet.  Why do I put myself out there, all my insecurities all my vulnerabilities out there for judgement. When I could stay at home with Mr Notsonaughty and have a comfortable life. No stress No excitement No drama No hurt feelings = that just wouldn't be me would it.