when you press self destruct

So I met Mr Darkside yesterday, he is awesome.  Now I am convinced he doesn't think the same about me. I am not really sure why I am intent on pressing self destruct and watching my life disappear down the toilet.  Why do I put myself out there, all my insecurities all my vulnerabilities out there for judgement. When I could stay at home with Mr Notsonaughty and have a comfortable life. No stress No excitement No drama No hurt feelings = that just wouldn't be me would it.

Fucking Fuck Wit

Hey that would be me.. the title!
So the lack of posts has been done to my retreat into hiding, Saturday night (last) didn't turn out to plan, mainly because said new Internet friend spotted me but was to shy to say hi and well I was too drunk to see! Class act! However every day since I have spoken to him (about time to give him a name..Hmmm) Mr Darkside! . Well me and Mr Darkside have been chatting every evening or exchanging the odd text.. its been cute. The plan is to meet him on Sunday. Its a bank holiday weekend so Mr Notsonaughty is at home but I have a cover story.. I am still concerned about being finding out.  I am aware I am a moral fuckup and deep down I beleive in happy endings, but I am defintley on a path of self destruction at present.

Mr Notsonaughty has become suspicious and has been checking my phone and I forget to delete a message .. after last time I cant believe I am so dumb.. Fucking fuck wit me.. I do wonder if I do it on purpose to be found out and then a conversation where we break up. Ever feel like its time to press self destruct.

Also this week I met Slick Nic, only for a coffee. So not worth the time! What a waste of 30 minutes, the feeling was defintley  mutual as I have heard nothing since. All I am saying is "40 my arse" he was definitely older and discussing his kids was a definite turn off. Don't get me wrong its not that I anti children but its hardly a turn on.

I am going out tonight

So I recently (like since Sunday) have been chatting to someone on line who seems seriously lovely. We have spoken every night through Tue -Thursday and briefly this afternoon. Partly the reason for the lack of posts. We live in the same sort of area and go to the same sort of places, anyway we have both engineered to be in the same bar this evening, his girl wont be with him, and as I write this Mr Notsonaughty has declined to come out this evening. I am out with my sister and best mate, (who is bringing her fella and his mate - both friends of Mr Notsonaughty).

I have warned my new Internet friend that discretion is key and I can happily say hi etc, but with the body guards in tow got to be careful. Also of course there is the possibility that I wont fancy him in the flesh and vice versa, so being in a group situation is of a comfort.

But I know me, better than I would like to sometime and I am going have to keep my slutty alter ego under lock and key.

Ever get the feeling things are about to go seriously fucking tits up!

Mr Muscles cold feet!

"Buy some socks"

You should always trust your instincts! My initial reservation was that Mr Muscles didn’t really know what he wants. However last week tentatively arranged that we go for a drink .  He practically leaped at the chance, although I sensed he was overwhelmed with nerves. It was suggested that this would be tomorrow ( Thursday). So  I thought I would check in with him, and guess what I received a polite yet short email, " Hi, I am really sorry I cant do it, I got cold feet" . I thought about emailing back a suggestion on some fab woolly socks he could get! But you know what I ain't going to go force it, my instinct was right first time.

You know what I am more annoyed about, I had already started to plan an outfit out in my head... for those women readers you will know that sometimes this is more exciting that the date. Mmm so what to do I have told Mr Notsonaughty I have a evening client meeting on Thursday night, it would be a shame to waste this free slot! ...

On to the next!

Sometimes Jealously is the best tonic!

Word to the wise Delete you text messages… this weekend Mr Notsonaughty took it upon himself to have a read through my phone. Ok so there were a few (actually innocent texts ..surprise!) from Mr Muscles …he sort of flipped out. Clearly I was the innocent, “ some guy from work” “is it my fault he fancys me?” “I would never do that” … well Mr Notsonaughty got over it (well that’s what he said.) it was strange there was no shouting or screaming. He just looked worried! I immediately made a mental note “ Tut tut rule 101 tidy up your mess”

Anyway it brought out some kind of unbridled passion in Mr Notsonaughty and I enjoyed the best sex session in quite awhile with Mr Notsonaughty.

I think Mr Notsonaughty saw me in a different light, rather than his ever loving loyal partner/ pot washer and 24 hour chef. He saw me as a desirable highly sexual women, and clearly he figured it was time to pull out all the tricks! Ok so while it was passionate (as in ripping of clothes, frantic pawing) it wasn’t earth shattering, he added to his usual reptiore with a few nice twists and turns.When I suggested perhaps he would like to go down on me he gave me that funny almost panicked look! So I said nevermind...I did remind him about returning favours ...but alas its lost on him.

However the quest remains on, a new friend with benefits. I don’t want a one night stand, I don’t think my emotions can stand it (despite my constant mantra running though my head “man up princess”) I want to find an amazing guy who can handle a no hassell, no drama, no commitment, no psycho behaviour, no begging for attention, no texts at the wrong time of the day, guarranted amazing sex sessions, awesome fun times! Tall order ?

Get back on that pony Cowgirl!

I'm back and trouble is afoot!  Like buses, men come and go. Number one rule learnt and burnt into my minds eye..don't get hurt. So I have a date coming up with Mr Muscles...I have decided to try an older man , so Slick Nic you get your way! (Have to admit he is right saucy fella judging from our last phone call..so maybe this old dog gonna teach me something)

Oh Mr Notsonaughty, initiated sex last night... funny how relationship sex is always the same. Like a tried and tested recipe... This is Mr Notsonaughty recipe...touch boobs , kiss neck, prod Miss Naughty in the back with erection in the back...mutter something about love in Miss Naughty ear, reach over and touch boobs again... LOL. Hey just like a comfy pair of heels its reliable no ones world gets rocked, but we know I got other ways to get  my rocks off!

I couldn't resist adding in this link, this is my current theme tune to my life at the moment... so watch this space for details...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U4ecNuaUvE